Human brains are like batteries, with a positive end and a negative end. Usually this leads to a sense of balance somewhere in the middle, but as I left RFK on Saturday night the two opposite ends of my mind were unable to find any common ground and ended up in a huge fight.

Was a 1-1 draw against Kansas City a good result? Of course, said the Plus end (labelled from now on as ‘Mr. Positive’). We gained a point, and we didn’t lose. This was countered by the Minus end (to be called simply ‘Negative’), who was quick to remark that even Ray Hudson had called it "another fucking draw", and weren’t we just about sick of ties? After all, one fifth of the regular season was now over, and we had still to win a game.

"It’s getting better all the time," said Mr. Positive.

"That’s what The Beatles sang just before they started splitting up," said Negative.

"We scored at home," Mr. Positive went on, ignoring Negative, as he usually does. "We never stopped battling. We were down to ten men against one of the league’s strongest sides and we still salvaged a point."

"That goal we scored was a penalty," grumbled Negative. "And possibly not one that would have stood up to the scrutiny of slow motion replays."

"We’re still unbeaten at home. We won the Capital Cup!" shouted Mr. Positive, and at that point Negative took a lunge at Mr. P. and I had to stand between the two, as referee Ricardo Salazar had spent much of the second half doing between the two sets of players.

"Hey, calm down," I intervened. "This has been one of our problems on the pitch, a lack of discipline."

"Yeah," said Negative. "A red card on our best player, Ryan Nelsen, just when we needed him most."

"Oh, that was never a red card," said Mr. Positive dismissively. "He was just a bit late on a sliding tackle. Typical of our bad luck this season. We’ll soon turn it around, you’ll see."

"That’s what Thomas Rongen used to say," sneered Negative. "For two whole seasons. And if you don’t want bad luck then you don’t go in for tackles with your foot up after the ball’s gone. It might not have deserved a red, but it might have deserved more than a yellow."

"Hmmmph," said Mr. Positive. "Not like you to sit on the fence. Besides, at least he didn’t break anyone’s leg."

By this point I was ready for my bed just to get them to shut up. However, I was so distracted by their quibbling that I boarded the wrong Red Line train at Metro Center and started heading out for Glenmont instead of Shady Grove. As I realised my error and stepped out into the rain at Rhode Island Avenue shortly before midnight, their voices became ever more shrill in the cold night air.

"Marco Etcheverry’s our top player, our fulcrum," Mr. Positive was stating defiantly. "He’s got the most team points."

"Etcheverry, don’t get me started…. He’s still managed as many yellow cards as goals and assists. And of course he’s got the most team points, all the plays go through him. It would look a bit different if you had points deducted for the number of attacks that break down on your mediocre distribution."

"Who are you going to replace him with?"

"I don’t care. Quintanilla. Carroll. Bring Stewart back off the front line. Anyone who’s young and hungry…."

"They were all hungry tonight, you can’t deny that," said Mr. P proudly. "Look at the way Ben Olsen ran non-stop."

"Then let’s put eleven Yorkshire Terriers on the pitch. They won’t score any goals either, but they’ll never stop running and they’ll lower the salary cap at the same time."

"That’s just typical of your cynicism," said Mr. Positive indignantly. "Just like the time when I said we should quit journalism and take up public relations, and you said you’d have to wait until the glass was at least half full before you’d start thinking about a career move like that."

This comment finally caused Negative’s minus sign to curl upwards at the edges, rather like a cheese slice left out too long on the counter top.

"DC has four points out of a possible 18," he smiled wearily. "That glass is still less than a quarter full, never mind half. Wait until we get to a 50 per cent record, and then we’ll talk again."

And with that, it was time for a two-week break until the road match at Dallas. We all finally fell asleep to the sound of Mr. Positive gently murmuring, "It’ll be different on astroturf…."